Sick and Tired

.....so sleeeeepy.....

Oh man. I am tired all the time. I am tired as I write these words! I can;t oahsdlkghj kdj le  lskdj...oh whoops. I fell asleep. Now, back to what I was saying...I can't even begin to describe my perpetual sleepiness. Missionary work is the hardest and most strenuous thing that I have ever done. But it also has been the most rewarding. If I was not truly on the Lord's errand then I would not be able to do what I do. Speaking of which...this is what I do:

• 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM: Work out (and sometimes nearly die from running).
• 7:00 AM - 8:00 AM: Eat breakfast and get ready for the day.
• 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM: Personal study (Scriptures, Preach My Gospel, the Ensign, etc.).
• 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Companionship study (Scriptures, practice teaching, etc.).
• 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: (Usually) Online work.
• 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Proselyte (knock on doors, scheduled lessons with people, etc.).
• 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Lunch.
• 1:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Proselyte.
• 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Dinner.
• 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Proselyte.
• 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM: Plan for the following day.
• 9:30 PM - 10:30 PM: Do paper work, write in my journal, prepare for bed.
• 10:30 PM: Crash in my bed and sleep.

This is a regular missionaries' schedule (except for when I was in Poplar - I did a little bit of taking care of rez dogz). We try to do all sorts of service for people whenever we get the chance and the times may be a little bit different for meals and such but...this really is what I do. Every day. It is physically and mentally draining.  But it is worth it. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love what I do.

Every single missionary has experienced this feeling of exhaustion. Not one of us can avoid it. But as long as we are doing our best and are magnifying our callings then God will take care of us. He won't take away our pains or tiredness but He will strengthen us through it all.  I have a firm belief that as long as I am obedient and do my best to live up to the expectations of being a missionary then God will provide the way and means for me to be successful. BUT just because I am a missionary does not mean that I am perfect. I make mistakes every single day of my life. It is through this that I become the most drained. When I fall short of what I know I can be I feel guilt. Guilt leads to stress which leads to frustration and anger. When I feel any of these negative things then the Holy Ghost - which God has sent to protect, support, comfort, and strengthen His children - departs from me. "And they saw that they had become weak...and that the Spirit of the Lord did no more preserve them; yea, it had withdrawn from them because the Spirit of the Lord doth not dwell in unholy temples-" (Helaman 4:24). When I remove myself from God He then is unable to provide me with the Holy Ghost for help. This is the same for all of us! We need to do our best to qualify for His divine support.

A man named Nephi in the Book of Mormon was really struggling one day. His brothers were mocking him and were speaking ill of their father who had just passed away. Nephi was beginning to feel down in the dumps, so to speak. He then was reminded of the sins that he has committed in his life and he was beginning to beat himself up. This is something that Satan tries to do to all of us. He will remind us of our past and try to make us feel guilty for the sins which we have already been forgiven. He tries to give us terrible feelings to make us feel sick. Nephi recognized this and then he exclaimed, "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul" (2 Nephi 4:28). What powerful words! We need to wake up and get out of the misery that accompanies sin. We need not let our thoughts linger on past transgressions. We need not droop in transgression that we are currently in. Wake up! We can proclaim with the band, Taking Back Sunday, in their song, "You Know How I Do" and say:

So sick, so sick of being tired.

And oh so tired of being sick.

Why do we allow ourselves to stay in the mud of doubt, depression, and danger? Take the advice of Nephi: "Awake, my soul!" Proclaim with Taking Back Sunday that you are sick of being tired and tired of being sick. Repent. Change. Correct. Be happy. Be free.

Some people may describe missionary work as a great sacrifice but in all honesty it is an amazing (and sometimes overwhelming) privilege. I know that as I do my duty as a representative of Jesus Christ with all of my heart, God will provide me with the ability, strength, and health that I need. But I need to do my part. I need to qualify for His holy help by providing His work with all of the drive, zeal, and obedience that He needs.

Are you sick and tired? Wake up and allow Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost to direct you in all that you do. I promise that you will have joy. My greatest happiness has come when I have worked my hardest on the Lord's behalf.