A Refining Experience

Since coming out on my mission I have really grown to appreciate and love to write in my journal. It is a great way to unload feelings and to be completely open. I regret not writing in my journal as faithfully as I do now. However...there is one experience in my life that left quite an impression and I remember writing about in my journal when I was much younger. As I thought about this experience I got the feeling that I needed to write home and ask my family to send my old journal to me. I just recently got a package with my old journal in it and I have been pouring through its pages. I love that I am the same person today that I was then. I wrote about family trips, the Utah Jazz, my first time driving, Star Wars, friends, spiritual experiences, times of growth, and other things that left impressions on me. Many of them aren't extremely important. But in the pages that I've been pouring through I have found that old entry that inspired me to request my old journal in the first place and has pressed on my mind frequently since it happened.

This was taken a few years before this entry...but it's an old picture of Brett and me nonetheless!

Here is that entry (without alterations):

August 7th, 2004

Dear Journal,

About 2 weeks ago I had the scariest experience of my life. Dad, Mom, Brett, and I went to the coast (Newport). While Dad was off working, Mom, Brett, and I decided to go onto the beach. Mom brought a book to read while Brett and I went swimming. Brett and I were having a great time jumping the waves. Brett was always conscientious and we always stayed 5-7 feet away from each other. Meanwhile Mom is sitting on a bench and started to read. She suddenly had a prompting not to read her book. She looked out and saw Brett and me. I was probably up to my waist and Brett to his thighs. All of the sudden, a rip tide swept in on us. It pulled us over our heads. I'm not a very good swimmer. I really started to struggle. Brett shouted out to me to grab on. I stuck one arm around him and Brett got an extra burst of strength from the help of Heavenly Father. Mom only saw one figure in the water. She had thought that I died and Brett was alone. But Brett was carrying me. Another lady who had seen us called 911. There was a band of rocks that extended off the beach about 30 yards. The lady sent her husband off out to the rocks. He helped us on our way to the beach. The ambulance picked us up and cleaned us up to. We were all crying. I love my family so much. I don't know what I would do without them. We got back to the hotel. When Dad got back we told him. It was a very emotional day and it was the scariest and saddest thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Also the most spiritual.

- Matt J. Lee

Cannon Beach, OR

As I think back to that day I am flooded with memories. I am forever indebted to my brother for saving my life. When I was in the water I was certain that I would drown. I was 14 years old and I was scared. But my big brother was there to save me. Once I put my arm around him and he began to swim towards those rocks I was filled with hope. We reached the rocks and then made our way back to the shore where we met our mother and then the ambulance. I can still remember my mother's face - covered in tears. She was scared but also relieved that her two baby boys were okay.

Brett and I had received some cuts and bruises on our feet and knees (from the rocks) but other than that we were okay. In fact...we were strengthened. The whole family was strengthened through that trial that we were called to bear.

I know that my parents went through a lot that day but I would like to focus on what Brett and I went through. The love that my brother and I share for each other was strengthened that day. We grew closer together. I honestly believe that I would have drowned if Brett hadn't put me on his back. He risked his life to try to save mine. That selfless act has provided me with strength and devotion. Even though Brett only saved my physical life once he has saved me in a spiritual sense many times. I love him.

Through this experience we all drew closer to our elder brother, Jesus Christ. As a family we recognized His role in preserving my life and in strengthening us as a family. He is everything. He is merciful. He is eternal. He prepared my brother, Brett, to help me and He guided our family to endure this trial well.

"For behold, this is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). The Lord is preparing all of us to fulfill one calling or another. He puts us into positions to help others and to be helped. He knows what is best for us. It then is our responsibility and right to align our desires with His to show our faith. Jesus Christ is always there for us. He will often prepare someone in His stead to help us. In my life I have been helped by a multitude of people (notably my brother Brett in this story). I try my best to be open to the promptings of the Spirit so that when I am called upon, I can help someone in need.

"Feed my sheep."

I know that as we recognize the influence of the Savior in our lives we can be refined and prepared for more. Most likely...to help His children who stand in need. And when we do recognize the Lord's influence we need to write it down in a journal. We have no idea what kind of impact it will make on us 5, 10, or 50 years down the road. I love my Redeemer Jesus Christ.